Case histories

The Society works with children in need of a loving adoptive home, with homeless and refugee families and with children and families in crisis. Help is offered regardless of race or faith and to families from all over the UK and abroad.

ADOPTION: Getting Through to Jamie

Having had a very difficult start in life with his real family, Jamie was placed into foster care with a view to his being adopted through the Society. His adoptive mother speaks about the experience:

‘Aged six years, Jamie had the strength of a boy his age but the emotional and intellectual level of a two-year-old. He was withdrawn and depressed and understandably missed his foster parents with whom he had spent two years. He clung to their promise that he could visit them when he was older.

Jamie took quite well to my husband Paul but in his mind I was Mummy. He wanted and needed a Mummy desperately but was also terrified of further rejection. If there was any more hurt to be experienced, he wanted to get it over and done with quickly.

His behaviour was intentionally extreme to make us show our commitment to him. The slightest thing we innocently said or did would trigger a violent and angry reaction. Full of self-loathing he would scream, spit, punch, kick and inflict pain on himself. This behaviour occurred at home, on public transport and in shops.

Throughout we knew that above all else we wanted Jamie as our son and that it was essential to improve his self-image. Whenever Jamie does something well or good or generous we tell him what a good boy he is, how special he is and how clever he is. We tell him over and over how much we love him. At first he responded aggressively but now his face beams. Every day we say, ‘Mummy loves Jamie, Daddy loves Jamie and Jamie loves Jamie.’ One evening, after two months, he sat up in bed and informed us, ‘Mummy loves Jamie, Daddy loves Jamie and Jamie loves Jamie’. We were moved to tears. This was a very special moment as it showed that Jamie was beginning to like himself.

The last six months have been hard but, with support from the Society’s ‘Families for All’ team, we have survived and become much closer. We love Jamie very much and would never be without him. He has changed a great deal in six months and is in some ways a different child. The last six months have also changed us and made us more understanding people.’

FAMILY CENTRES: Offering friendship and support

Derek, a self-employed builder was repairing a client’s guttering when he slipped and fell from his ladder. He suffered serious internal injuries and a fractured hip and was in hospital for months.

No work meant no money coming in and this left Linda and their four young children vulnerable. When Derek was stronger he made an insurance claim but was refused, on a technicality and was forced to claim invalidity benefits. With Derek to care for as well as the children, Linda was unable to take full-time work but found a series of small cleaning jobs to help out.

Family and friends rallied around at the beginning but regular help tailed off. The physical and emotional strain on them both began to take its toll and both found themselves short-tempered with each other and the children and desperate for an outlet of some kind.

Help came to hand when they were introduced to St Francis’ Family Centre. It proved a lifeline. Linda was able to meet others, to talk through her worries and to receive practical help in her struggle to keep going. The playgroups gave the children the chance to escape the tense situation at home and to take up play opportunities, day trips and outings – things they had once taken for granted.

Derek and Linda know that he will never recover full mobility and that his prospects have changed forever, but the opportunities to talk and the constant support and encouragement that they have received from St Francis’ have helped them to be more positive. This has given them the confidence to begin computer studies which are giving them back their sense of achievement and self-respect and also helping them to gain skills to support their family in a different way.

The children have now come to terms with the changes to their family life. As a family they are close and united and have great respect for each other after what they have faced and overcome together.

FAMILY THERAPY: Positive listening

“I first heard of St Vincent’s Family Service when one of my sons asked if I would go there with him. I had no idea what Family Therapy would be like. His mother and I had split up a year or so before that. It's strange, you tend to forget how it can affect not only you but your children. Anyway, I went along with him and found he was very relaxed there and, at the end of our session, so was I. They listen to you and seem to understand. I then plucked up the courage and made an appointment for myself. I was very nervous but by the end of my session I felt relieved and wished I had known about St Vincent’s before. I am now going with my ex-wife and find we have a lot to sort out between us and we will continue to come as long as it takes for us to reach a better understanding.“

NAMES AND SOME DETAILS HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT CONFIDENTIALITY