ADOPTION: siblings with different needs
3 March 2010
John and Peter were born 2 years apart in the late 60's to the same birth mother, Alice. She had been unable to look after John first of all, and when Peter was born Alice was very determined that he should be placed in the same family, so that they could
John and Peter were born 2 years apart in the late 60's to the same birth mother, Alice. She had been unable to look after John first of all, and when Peter was born Alice was very determined that he should be placed in the same family, so that they could grow up together as full siblings. This is what happened, and they had a secure and happy family life.
When John had his first child at the age of 40 he found that he needed to know about why he had been given up for adoption. He came to see us, and Peter came along as moral support, though he had no interest himself in finding out more about what had happened to their birth mother. Whilst John seemed quite at ease with his adoptive status, Peter seemed less so.
John felt that he should not proceed until Peter was in agreement, and over the next couple of years this remained very much in John's mind.
Three years later a daughter of Alice's marriage contacted us on her mother's behalf. We could not tell her that we had met her half siblings, and we had to consider carefully what to do.
We decided to let John know that Alice had got in touch with us.
After a lot of discussion and support from the Post Adoption worker John was able to be in touch with Alice. Peter did not wish to be in touch initially, but after some months he decided that he would write one letter in, largely he said for his brother's sake. John went on to meet Alice but Peter has not so far felt he has wanted to. This has been concerning and upsetting for Alice who worries that Peter may be angry with her.
This case illustrates the complex concerns of all those affected by adoption and need for the workers involved to exercise great sensitivity.
While this is a true account, dates, names, and any identifying information have been changed to preserve confidentiality.